


Pumpernickel

by blueb1rd



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-29
Updated: 2011-10-29
Packaged: 2017-10-25 01:26:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueb1rd/pseuds/blueb1rd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"5% Blaine being an accidental camera whore, 95% sexting" collab with gameboycolor on LJ</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pumpernickel

**K:** You’ll never guess what Rachel was wearing when I ran into her at the Food Lion earlier.

 **K:** Okay, fine, I’ll tell you. A violently orange sundress with little yellow lollipops on it.

 **K:** She said it was ‘festive’ and full of ‘ _joie de vivre_ ’. I thought she looked like a candy store threw up on her.

 **K:** Blaine? You there?

 **B:** Sorry. I was in the shower.

 **B:** Sounds atrocious. Who lets her outside?

 **K:** Don’t lie. :p You were probably just ignoring me.

 **B:** Why would I lie about showering? The pursuit of hygiene is an awfully weird thing to lie about.

 _After doing a half-assed job of toweling off his hair, Blaine wrapped the bath towel around his waist. After favoring his reflection with a small shrug of 'why the hell not?' he aimed the camera on his phone at the mirror and snapped a picture. It wasn't until he reviewed the picture to determine whether or not it was acceptable that he realized the implications of sending _that_ sort of photo. His intentions had originally been to provide a proper alibi for his absence, but instead..._

Water droplets clung to his chest, damp curls stuck to his forehead in a way that suggested activities other than showering. _Oh._ The bath towel, slung low on his waist, was barely visible in the bottom of the photo. The entire thing looked so... _staged_ , rather than the candid shot he had been going for.

In the midst of his internal debate over the consequences of sending photos such as the one before him into the universe (universe, boyfriend, same thing), he hadn't noticed that his thumb had twitched over the send button.

Well, shit.

Fifteen minutes. That was a lot of time from Blaine to go from mildly nervous to sinking down to the cold tile floor while staring at his phone hard enough to bore a hole through it.

If only he were clairvoyant. Then he would have known it was due to the fact that Kurt was too busy staring at the photo and trying to come up with a less lascivious response than _your hips look incredibly lickable_ , and not because his boyfriend was running a thousand miles an hour in the opposite direction to get away from Blaine’s bare torso.

When his phone finally buzzed a welcome response, he wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or petrified.

 **K:** Oh.

 _Well, _that_ was vague and unhelpful. Two could play at that game._

 **B:** _Oh?_

 **K:** Wasn’t exactly expecting that.

 **B:** I’m... sorry. I didn’t exactly mean to send that.

 **B:** It was for my other boyfriend.

 **B:** Fuck.. kidding. Obviously. You make me stupid.

 **K:** I wasn’t complaining.

 **K:** um. you know, just to be clear.

 **K:** definitely not complaining.

 **B:** Yeah?

 _Blaine was curious, but he also wasn’t looking to push Kurt into clarifying if he didn’t have anything more to add. After all, there was a vast difference between ‘I find you aesthetically pleasing to look at’ and ‘I want to ravish you to the moon and back.’_

 **B:** Cool.

 **K:** you look good. like, really, really, _really_ good. like, "are you sure you're real? because I'm not" good.

 **K:** pretty sure I made you up.

 **K:** gonna have to save the picture to my phone for proof. can't take pictures of a figment of my imagination, can I? hope you don't mind.

 **K:** I should stop talking, but I really really want to be kissing you right now.

 **B:** Just don’t go showing it around. :)

 _His back gave an uncomfortable twinge in respond to the vanity he was presently leaning against, reminding him of his current surroundings. Oh. Right. Leaving the bathroom would_ probably _be a good idea, especially after_ that _text._

It’s your fault I’m still sitting on my bathroom floor, just so you know--

 _Stupidest text_ ever _. He might as well surrender his blackberry to thousands of monkeys on typewriters and hope_ one _of them comes up with a vaguely appropriate response. That was how bad Blaine was at anything resembling ‘sexting.’_

 _Huffing a small sigh, he stumbled back to his feet, alternating between staring at the text and watching where he was going until he reached the safety of his bedroom and flopped back down on his bed with no regard for his sopping wet hair and person._

 **B:** I can’t say I’d be opposed to kissing you right now.

 **B:** I mean.. not _right_ now. Obviously you’re not here and I’m not even dressed so it’s not like I could come see you and.. yeah.

 **K:** you sure you’re not doing this on purpose?

 **K:** currently calculating how much trouble I’d get in if I pretended Rachel was having an emergency and needed me to spend the night so I could sneak over and see you. probably a lot, right?

 **K:** I kind of don’t care. I kind of want to anyway. you make me nuts.

 **K:** hate you. it’s completely unfair that you are two hours away looking this good.

 **K:** practically qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.

 **B:** as much as I’d like you to, it’s not worth having you grounded for the rest of the summer :( you know that.

 _It was hard to get a word in edgewise when Kurt was on one of his rapid fire texting sprees. He took the radio silence as a chance to jump in._

 **B:** we could always.. improvise?

 **B:** or.. you know.. not. it’s stupid. i’m stupid.

 **K:** ... not stupid. I’m open to suggestions. you could elaborate.

 **K:** if _you_ want, that is.

 **K:** not pressuring. just so you know.

 **B:** no.. no. i do. I just don’t know how to start.

 **K:** then I’ll start. your hips look delicious I’ve never been more jealous of a drop of water in my life

 **K:** ...that’s not too much, right? is that too much?

 **K:** oh god it totally is. I’m sorry. I just want to... I should stop talking.

 **B:** no.

 **B:** not too much. not _enough_ I know this probably sounds weird but I like that I have this puzzle I’m trying to piece together of what you actually look like.. under everything. I know.. most of it. I spend a lot of time trying to imagine the rest.

 **K:** I think about that too. I mean, not me, but you. obviously. sorry not thinking too clearly because you’re all... you know and that _towel_ and your hairs wet and it’s just

 **K:** its one of those nights where I’m having trouble remembering waiting is a good thing

 **K:** I mean I know it is you’re just distracting

 **K:** I have a really hot boyfriend

 **K:** go me

 **B:** it is good. but sometimes I like to pretend we live in a world where it’s not. the things I want to do.. god. well, not him. he’s a bit useless in this situation, yeah? whatever.

 **B:** I like your noises. I think about them whenever I’m alone. I mean, obviously I’m alone when I’m thinking about them or that would be SO weird.

 **B:** noises. A+

 **K:** I’m just winning all the awards tonight. ;)

 **K:** no, but really. you’re good too. the noises I mean. its still weird to me that I’m capable of ...you know. making you do that. the noises. any of it.

 **K:** making you... you know.

 **B:** say it.

 **K:** ...vampire.

 **B:** omg. aaaand we’re done.

 **K:** nonono baby I’m sorry, please?

 **K:** to be fair you kinda set it up for me

 **B:** stephanie meyer’s assassination of literature makes my dick invert

 **K:** I’m sorry, I’m sorry. would it help if I actually said it?

 **B:** maybe. couldn’t hurt to find out.

 **K:** I like that I can make you come. I like the way you look and sound and feel when it happens.

 **B:** it feels like someone sucked the air out of my lungs every time. like I’ll never catch my breath. that’s what you do to me.

 **K:** same, you make me feel the same. I'm so glad I stopped you on the staircase and so glad I sang blackbird and _sooo_ glad I know what you look like without a shirt on because its awesome.

 **K:** I mean, you have a lot of very fine qualities not just your body and if it was just physical stuff then it wouldn't be the same by a long shot

 **K:** but at the same time congrats on looking entirely too lickable for your own good

 **K:** have I embarrassed myself yet? please tell me to stop talking if I sound stupid

 **K:** it's all true though

 **B:** I'm glad I know what YOU look like shirtless

 **B:** shirtless was almost a really bad typo

 **B:** but I like your heart and your brain too

 **B:** except that doesn't make for good suggestive textual communication

 **B:** I think about you fucking me

 **K:** fuck

 **K:** that's ... yeah. I want that. I think about it. I think about it a lot.

 **K:** I mean not a lot like all the time, I'm not, you know... it’s not _all_ I think about. but I think about it.

 **B:** what else do you think about

 **K:** you. I mean obviously you, just... all of you. I think about touching you and leaving marks where no one else will see them

 **K:** I think about how good I could make you feel because making you feel good makes _me_ feel good, and I think about... you know. that thing you told me you want? with my fingers. I think about that.

 **K:** ...I think about you blowing me

 _It was obvious where this was going. While he could have considered the first few texts a fluke, there was no mistaking the intent behind that one. Blaine couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty when he pushed the towel aside to wrap a hand around himself. He would worry about the soaking wet sheets at a later time, when Kurt wasn’t so... uninhibited._

 **B:** kurt. baby..so hot

 **B:** anything anything but especially that. wanna suck you

 **B:** I have nightmares that I'm going to choke and be terrible though

 **K:** god, blaine. yeah? you do?

 **K:** not the nightmares but the other thing. cause I'm like twelve thousand percent sure you'll be amazing at it. I mean I've seen you with popsicles. And it makes my brain melt and it gets to be all I can think about

 **K:** it’s all I can think about _now_ , fuck.

 **B:** we should be doing this all of the time always. what were we waiting for? a handwritten, calligraphied invite?

 **B:** in retrospect, that made me sound like such an ass

 **B:** idc

 **K:** I wanted to, you have no idea, but it was... idk I was nervous. that picture though...

 **K:** I guess it was the push I needed.

 **K:** wouldn't mind more like that jsyk

 **B:** I’d make it so good for you

 **B:** ...I think

 **K:** I love how cocky yet humble you manage to be at the same time. let's just assume it's going to be awesome, ok? because that's what I do. I can't imagine anything involving your mouth to be less than amazing.

 **K:** you're like a lip wizard

 **K:** wow that sounded dumb why do you let me talk?

 **B:** idk everything sounds hot right now. the two brain cells i have left had a meeting

 **K:** pumpernickel

 **B:** rude

 **K:** you said everything and idk I only have one working brain cell. the rest are too busy imagining me fucking you into the mattress

 **K:** or on your (magically clean) desk

 **K:** or against the wall I'm really not picky

 **K:** have I made up for pumpernickel yet?

 **B:** you think you could... the wall thing yeah I can work with that

 **B:** if I'm not too 'stupidly heavy' as you put it

 **K:** really? you're going to bring that up now?

 **K:** that said I have no idea, but I'd sure as hell be game to try

 **K:** someday. when we're ready.

 **B:** uh huh

 **B:** sorry.. yeah.. I've been close for like.. a million years. I keep having to type to defend myself from unsexy things like _pumpernickel_

 **B:** I just... fuck.. your mouth. I want your mouth.

 **K:** I'm close too I wish... god I wish you were here. pretty sure I'd do anything you wanted me to right now. or pin your arms above your head and do whatever _I_ want.

 **K:** no. both

 **B:** wanna kiss and bite your lips until you cant take it anymore. then I wanna kiss down your chest and suck marks next to your hipbones. maybe those jeans you wear will dig into them and you'll remember how it felt. you'll be in class and get that cute blush that creeps down your neck.

 **K:** fuck. Blaine. want your marks. want them all over, want mine on you

 **K:** I'm so close you have no idea just tell me what else. what else would you do?

 **B:** I’d go a little lower. wanna kiss your thighs until you're shaking and cant take it anymore.

 **K:** blaine ohmy god

 _It was weird, how such a simple text had such an effect on him. Kurt had sent texts with those same four words in reference to Blaine’s casual wear or whatever crisis had befallen his Glee club that week, but never in response to this. He kept trying to imagine his lips forming those words, whether any sound would come out or if it would get lost in the gasps and hitches of breath._

 _Metaphors about release and bows pulled taut could not compare to the way his whole body shuddered through his orgasm. He thought of Kurt, miles away, sprawled across his bedspread in a way that was far more elegant than the manner with which he had flopped down on his. Long, nimble fingers perfectly manicured working himself over frantically, the screen of his iPhone illuminating his face._

 _Without really giving it much thought other than ‘the box is tissues is too far away and I just had a suckerpunch of an orgasm’, Blaine wiped his hand on the sheets while trying to catch his breath. He shot out a quick text, his heart still hammering in his chest. Had he been too presumptuous? Maybe this wasn’t even doing anything for Kurt. Oh god, what if..._

 **B:** did you...?

 **K:** I almost want to make more bad jokes about rye bread and vampires

 **K:** what do you think, dummy

 **B:** I think this was the most awesome idea ever. clearly I’m going to have to camera whore more often if it achieves these results

 **K:** it’s not nearly as attractive if you abuse your powers

 **B:** would it help if I suggested taking turns? you can send suggestive pictures next time. it’s only fair.

 **K:** we’ll see :)

  
***

 **Epilogue:**

 _A few nights later, Blaine found a picture from Kurt in his inbox. Grinning, he opened it only to find..._

  


trololo the end


End file.
